


Sensory

by gaypunkspaceunicorn



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, KIND OF I GUESS, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-04 06:21:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14014065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypunkspaceunicorn/pseuds/gaypunkspaceunicorn
Summary: Simon is leaving for longer and longer to go on business trips.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic based on the song Sensory Memory by Australian singer-songwriter Jen Cloher.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkpVux-tpLs

Baz  
Simon’s been going on longer and longer business trips. He’s in computer science, the specifics of which I try but always fail to understand. 

He never goes far, but he’s gone for weeks or once, even a month. We still talk everyday when he’s gone, but it’s not the same. It’s never the same. 

Days before he gets on another train, takes another taxi to the airport, I start missing him. Even when Simon’s right in front of me, I feel the same ache that keeps me awake at night. I guess I’m just trying to remember him as much as possible. 

Simon  
Leaving Baz hurts me. We fall into a pattern, and all these trips mess that up. Sure, I love my job, but I love him more. I can survive on my own, I grew up largely by myself, but now, with all these wonderful people in my life, I don’t want to.

I always get home in the middle of the night. I’ll stumble in in the dark, too tired to change out of my uncomfortable business clothes. When I come into our bedroom, Baz will stir, and I’ll pause. I hate waking him up. I’ll just crawl into bed, pull him close, and finally relax. 

Baz  
In the morning, I’ll always wake up early, and let Simon sleep. So, I’ll make breakfast, eggs and bacon and toast. And when he finally comes into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and adorable, I’ll kiss him and it feels almost exactly the same. 

But then we sit, and eat, and talk, and something’s always off. Slowly, he’s becoming someone I recognize less and less. He’s the same person, but things always change. 

Simon  
Baz came with me on a trip once. I felt so happy, but it diminished quickly. I was either gone, off in some meeting, or about to rush off to some meeting. 

I could feel Baz’s resentment growing towards me, and I could barely concentrate on my work. 

Baz  
I was excited to travel with Simon, but it quickly turned into a week of me sitting alone in a hotel room waiting for him to pop back in for a minute. When he did come back, he would be working, or sleeping. 

With Simon always gone, and me cooped up, I knew it was going to culminate into something I didn’t think I could handle. An explosion. 

Simon  
It finally happened, the last day we were there. Screaming, and crying. I was just so exhausted, and I could tell Baz was too. He couldn’t believe I invited him on this trip, just to leave him most of everyday. 

I tried to be calm, and understanding, but we were at the end of our ropes. So, I turned and left. I had a meeting in twenty minutes, anyways.

Baz  
I couldn’t believe that after everything, he just got up and left. I sat and tried to compose myself for a few minutes, but the tears kept coming. So, I started packing up my suitcase. It didn’t take long, it’s not like I was changing clothes everyday.

I walked out of the hotel, and to the train station. I bought myself a ticket home and that was that. Once I was seated, I called Simon and told him that I guess I’m just not meant for this, but I’ll be there for him when he gets home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A resolution to the first chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a songfic of the song Dark Art by Jen Cloher  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRb5whwkre0

Baz  
About a month later, a terrible, anxious, and miserable month later, things changed. Our love, and my magic, evolved. To love him, to look into his eyes, felt like some kind of dark art. 

Even when he was miles away, I felt connected to him. Even when we only texted a few times a day, I knew that he loved me and I loved him.

Simon  
I’ve been thinking about it during long nights alone, and love definitely is blind. We spent seven years hating each other, and now I want to spend the rest of my life with him. If I knew what we would become when I was 11, what would I have done differently? I don’t know. 

Baz  
I think we’re both trying a lot harder, after everything that’s happened. Simon is taking on less business trips. When he’s home, we try to talk more about how we feel. Jealousy, fear, loss, anger, sorrow, it’s all out in the open now. I’m feeling more complete now.

Simon  
Loving Baz feels like a bright star in the sky. I always know he’s there. I feel closer to him. Our love is a bright star in the night sky.


End file.
